I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
