Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
