You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
