sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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