I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
