My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize