How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
