Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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