U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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