I could have mohawked her pubes.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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