he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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