No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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