i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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