the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
