I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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