Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
