the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My vagina just clenched in fear
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
