he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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