I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
