Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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