at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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