He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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