Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
