We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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