i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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