just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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