If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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