Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize