I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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