Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
