she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
