I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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