I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
