Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize