Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
