just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Acid is not a monday night drug
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
