yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
