We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
