but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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