Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
