You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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