um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
