he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
