I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
