Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
