and you said cock pushups were impossible
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize