i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
