Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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