i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
