you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
