I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
