party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
