im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
