he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
