you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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