Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
