do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
