I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
