so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
