if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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