I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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