If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
