I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
