...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
