Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize