Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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