I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
