the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
