Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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