When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
