I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
