chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
is it fun? or sober?
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