failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
is that a dick in a sweater?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
