Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
