How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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