Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
