I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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