Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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