Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
