i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
