Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize