one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize